Tell me a joke... :0)

[Samanthia]

Ok. Give me your all. Make me laugh. :0)

Smoking in the Rain

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.

Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?"

The other old lady said, "It's a condom."

"A condom? Where do you get those?"

The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the
questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?"

The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel."

[TenYearsBeOhBe]

That was great...

Here's a short stupid one-liner because it's all I can think of right now...


A skeleton walk's into a bar, he orders a beer and a mop...

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[Samanthia]

ha ha. yeah i heard that one on the radio the other day. do you possibly listen to the "bad jokes" section on (i think) 96.5 also???? ha ha.

Samanthia added 24 Minutes and 11 Seconds later...

heres a funny one.

Hit TV Shows in Iraq


"Mad About Everything"

"U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"

"Suddenly Sanctions"

"Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest"

"Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"

"Wheel of Fortune and Terror"

"Iraq''s Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"

"Achmed''s Creek"

"The Price is Right If Saddam Says It''s Right"

"M*U*S*T*A*S*H" <-- my favorite!!

"Veronica''s Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses"

"Two Guys, a Girl, and a Mosque"

"When Kurds Attack"

"Just Shoot Me"

"My Two Baghdads"

"Diagnosis Heresy"

"Everybody Loves Saddam Or He''ll Have Them Shot"

"Captured Iranian Soldiers Say the Darndest Things"

"Burka Baywatch"

[TenYearsBeOhBe]

Haha, no an ex of mine told me that a long time ago...

So a blind elderly man decides he'd like to try flying for the first time. He hires a pilot and they jump into the plane. It's one of those two seater open cock-pit planes. They get into the air and the pilot decides to scare the old man on his first flight. Unfortunately the pilot suffers a heart attack himself and dies mid barrel roll. The old man now alone in the sky radios back for help.

Old man: Help! My pilot has died and I'm flying upside down!
Radio: Alright sir, head do east and I'll walk you through landing the plain.
Old man: How the hell do you expect a blind man to land a plane?
Radio: (Kind of puzzled) If your blind, how do you know you're flying upside down.
Old man: Because I can feel the shit running down my collar...!

[nugz]

OMG Samantia...My sides hurt form reading that...Achmed''s Creek...thats great...

Here is one...Just so you know I think this is the most screwed up joke I have ever heard...





A guy and his wife get into a car wreck. The man is ok but the doctor tells the man that his wife is going to be paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of her life. He says "You will have to feed her, clothe her, bath her" The man is devastated and falls to his knees crying. The doctor puts his hand on the man's shoulder and says "Hey I'm just joking................shes dead." [insert rimshot]

[dduffy2005]

how about the good ol'


A man walks into a bar and say's "ouch!"
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[Red07SSNA]

My attempt:

A blond was driving down a desert road devoid of vegetation. A cop was following the blond when he saw the blond begin to drive widly, turning hard to the left and then the right, back and forth until the blond went off the road flipping end-over-end. The cop got to the blond just as the blond was crawling out of the smashed car and asked the blond what happened. The blond's reply caught the cop off gaurd: "I had to avoid all the trees"! Looking around the cop was baffled until he saw what was in the blond's car.























A Pine tree air freshener was hanging from the rear view mirror.

thought of another one!














wait for it....
















its still comming....




















just a little longer....
















V-Tak

[TenYearsBeOhBe]

A man and his wife decide to take a spiritual vacation. They decide to travel together to visit the holy land. While in israel the man's wife becomes very ill from old age and passes away. The man makes all the proper arrangments to have her body shipped back to america so that she may be burried. Before the flight back, a local minister that over heard of this man's sad story approached him in a last ditch effort at the airport. He asked the man nicely if instead he would like to have his wife burried there in the holy land. The man shook his head in disgust and exclaimed, "You know a long time ago, you guys burried a very import spiritual leader here, and he shortly there after rose up from the dead.......... and I just can't take the chances of that happening again..."