Ok, got it. Finally!
Here's what I did on the off chance some poor dude is scouring google for a similar fix.
Disconnect the battery. Sent the car into stolen mode. Got me even more scared...but:
Turn the key to START, not just run, but hold it in start mode than continue. You'll hold it in the start position for a while so get comfortable. Than the flash ran... I have NO clue why. But once the engine tune completed let off the start back to just on as the starter came back on. Than my tranny tuned I suppose as the tune % ran twice. (either that or it pulled it out of stolen than tuned)
Boom. Back to life!!!!
So today was new rotors, breaks, spark plugs, hubs, and a tune. Yay! Lots of headache, but good results in the end.