[D.B. Cooper]

I don't even know where to start.. 09 cobalt LS automatic. I have the anti theft light, intermittent check engine, a service air bag message, service tire pressure message, intermittent brake light, occasionally key won't come out, doesn't want to shift, intermittent power steering message, auto lights don't work the majority of the time, radio and heater won't work until I switch headlights to on, turn signals have to be switched off manually, terrible mileage, and I know it's not electrical but it takes ten minutes to pump gas.. I grounded the tcm and the first time I started it I had no lights on the dash. Next time I start it they're all back and more.. I found connections under both seats and the driver side seatbelt tensioner that were unplugged. Plugged those in and got a service tire pressure message for my trouble.. I plan on doing the "learn tire pressure" deal tomorrow. I went to Walmart today and shut the car off and the door chime started going off repeatedly. I couldn't figure it out so I went in the store and left it going. It was off when I came out but almost didn't start. This car is the most ridiculous thing I've ever experienced in my life. It's like a domino effect of seemingly random things any time I attempt to fix one issue I get two more plus the one I tried to fix doesn't get any better. Fuses are good but I did blow the RAP and HVAC relays somehow when I took the shifter out trying to figure out why I couldn't shift out of park and the key wouldn't come out.. I know I'm forgetting something but we'll start there. Someone please talk me out of buying a bunch of tannerite and washing my hands of this thing..

 

[Oldslowandugly]

My gut says drive it off a cliff and don't look back. My brain says start with a fresh new fully charged battery. Then take apart and clean ALL ground connections. Our '08 went absolutely bonkers and it turned out to be a dead cell in the battery. It tested at 12volts until you put a load on it, then it dropped to 10. That was not enough for the computerized stuff which is almost everything on these cars. If that dos not straighten it out I am reminded of something my mechanic friend always says: when the computer points to all sorts of other things as the problem, but they check out OK, the computer is probably the problem.

 

[sharonhegwood6]

Omg you just described my 06 cobalt!

 

[Michael Grey]

Whenever I get a bunch of random warnings, I know that I'm due for a battery. If the warnings go awa after yuou drive, then come back after it sits for a while that would be my bet. My 010SS has gone through a battery every 2 years and that's how it starts. Good luck.