Chevy Cobalt Forum banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 65 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,127 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
One man says, "I had the worst Freudian Slip the other day."

The other man responds, "What is a Freudian Slip?"

"You know, it's when you mean to say one thing, but you say something else that reveals what you are really thinking about. Like the other day I was at the airport and this really beautiful lady was helping me. Instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh', I asked her for 'Two Pickets to Tittsburgh."


The second replies, "Oh, now I know what you are talking about. It's like the other day when I was having breakfast with my wife. I wanted her to pass me the Orange Juice, and instead I said, "B****! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,709 Posts
One man says, "I had the worst Freudian Slip the other day."

The other man responds, "What is a Freudian Slip?"

"You know, it's when you mean to say one thing, but you say something else that reveals what you are really thinking about. Like the other day I was at the airport and this really beautiful lady was helping me. Instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh', I asked her for 'Two Pickets to Tittsburgh."


The second replies, "Oh, now I know what you are talking about. It's like the other day when I was having breakfast with my wife. I wanted her to pass me the Orange Juice, and instead I said, "B****! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"
:laugh:
I dont know any good jokes.............. other than the COUNTLESS blonde jokes ive heard thru my life time, but...... they're not funny.

keem em coming u guys!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,440 Posts
What does a whirlpool and a blonde have in common???????

They both swallow a lot of seamen :)


What does a Screen door and a blonde have in common??????

The more you bang it the looser it gets

Whats the difference between an ironing board and a blonde???????

A ironing boards legs are hard to open


:)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,709 Posts
What does a whirlpool and a blonde have in common???????

They both swallow a lot of seamen :)


What does a Screen door and a blonde have in common??????

The more you bang it the looser it gets

Whats the difference between an ironing board and a blonde???????

A ironing boards legs are hard to open


:)

November 14th 2009... the day TwistedBalt gets smacked right across the face................................ :laugh:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,440 Posts
Once there was a man laying at a nude beach. Well he sees a little girl walking towards him so all he has is a newspaper. He quickly puts the newspaper in front of his private. The little girl stops and asks what he has behind the newspaper and the man quickly replies a little birdy so the girl says Oh and walks away well the man continues to lay down and falls into a deep sleep. When he awakens he finds himself in an ambulance in a lot of pain and doesn't know what happened. The police ask what happened and all the man said was " All i remember is a little girl coming up to me asking me about my privates" So the police go and find the little girl and ask her what she did to the man laying on the beach.

The little girl replied" The man said he had a birdy behind the paper so i started to play with it and the bird spit on me so i broke its neck cracked the eggs and set the nest on fire"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,440 Posts
November 14th 2009... the day TwistedBalt gets smacked right across the face................................ :laugh:
haha

How do you make a 1 armed blond fall out of a tree??????????

Wave :)


Yo Mamas like spoiled milk. White and chunky.

Yo Mamas so old she owes jesus food stamps.

Yo Mamas so Fat when she dances the whole band skips
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,709 Posts
This is kinda long, but its for all us girls who LOOOVE chocolate! LOL

Giving Up Chocolate

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a
particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who
asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and
asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy
chocolate with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop eating chocolate years ago', the
homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying
food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman
said.. 'I
need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I
asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had
my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money.
Instead,
I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me
tonight.'
The homeless Woman was shocked.

'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing
that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty
disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important
for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given
up shopping, hair appointments, and chocolate!'
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,127 Posts
Discussion Starter #12 (Edited)
Whats the difference between a blonde and mesquito?

When you slap the mesquito, it stops sucking!!!!!!




A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

-------------------------------------------------------
A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is angry, She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blond replies "Shut up, you're next."

-----------------------------------------------

A blonde was happily married, but for one thing. Every morning she woke up early and passed gas, waking up her husband. After a few months of marriage, her husband finally said, "you have to stop this". "If you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out".

But when nothing changed, the husband decided to take action and that night he put some pig scraps in her pants.

The next morning, she woke up, farted and quickly went to the bathroom. Two long hours later, she came out and stated, "honey, you were right about me farting my guts out". "But don't worry, I managed to push it all back inside"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a crap."

The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap."

The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass."

The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"

The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"

He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.

His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"

The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

----------------------------------------------------------
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and asks, "Where?"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,709 Posts
Whats the difference between a blonde and mesquito?

When you slap the mesquito, it stops sucking!!!!!!

:shock:
:laugh:

Snakes known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

A couple in Sutton , Ontario , had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor. His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out. About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital. The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fain! ted, the snake rushed back under the sofa. The neighbor man, see ing her lying there pas! sed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches. The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat. By now, the police had arrived. Breathe here...... They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake. The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and! his sobbing wife. Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car. Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department.. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out). Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repa! ired,! the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world. A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night. And that's when he shot her...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,440 Posts
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blonde Entertainment
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Scroll Down. --->























<----- Scroll Up.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Ultimate Sacrifice
There is a brunette and a blonde hanging over the edge of a cliff off a piece of rope. They realize that the rope will break if one of them doesn't let go and they will both fall to their deaths. The brunette starts this big heartwarming speech about how she is going to sacrifice herself. At the end of the speech the blonde starts clapping.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
Because she was trying to make up her mind.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you get when you put seven blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?

They think their picture is being taken.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?

You always hear about them but you never see them.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why can't blondes make ice cubes?

They always forget the recipe.

-----------------------------------------------
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
151 Posts
Two soldiers are standing at their post gaurding a base. One soldier says to the other, "Hey, if a bomb were about to fall on us, what would you do?"

The other soldier says, "I would **** the first thing that moves. What would you do?"

The first soldier replies, "I would stand perfectly still."
 
1 - 20 of 65 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top